Embark.

About a month ago I went to Target with my dear friend Valerie. First let me say that it is NEVER a good idea for me to go into Target without a reason. I didn't really need to go... it was just a spur of the moment, fun place to go while I was visiting Val. I realized I would like to have a new water bottle. Not sure why, really. I have 2 or 3. But, that's what I deemed necessary. So I was browsing the sports aisles with all the water bottles when I found a shiny silver bottle, tall and skinny, with only the word "embark" on the side in black lettering. I'm so glad I bought that water bottle. Whenever I look at it I can't help but feel challenged and inspired to do something new and exciting. Little did I know that opportunity was just around the corner...

Just over a week ago I received an e-mail from an internship program I had applied for back in August '09 and had decided not to do it. I had applied to do an internship in the music industry either in L.A. or London. I was leaning more towards London, because I love travel, love learning about cultures... and it would for sure be a life experience I would never forget. However, this e-mail I received was asking me if I would like to join their spring internship program in L.A which started only 4 days after I received the e-mail (which was on Wednesday, January 27th).... and they were offering me a $2,500 grant to help offset the cost of tuition (which covers my apartment rent & their services as an internship placement agency). They gave me 24 hours to make my decision.

Now, for those of you who don't know me very well... I don't like to make spur of the moment decisions that will cost me thousands of dollars and force me to move thousands of miles away from family & friends. My immediate reaction was panic. Looking back it's actually quite humorous how worked up I got about making such a big decision. Yes, it was big... but deciding to do this opportunity would mean pursuing my dreams of building a career around music! All of my friends thought it was obvious... just do it! I, on the other hand, was a bit more emotional and unsure of it.

24 hours later, after a lot of prayer, crying, and questioning... I decided to take a leap of faith and trust God to show me how He can use me out in L.A.

So that brings me to today.

I will be leaving on a 3:24 pm flight out of Fort Wayne, IN tomorrow afternoon (Sunday, February 7th) and will be arriving in Los Angeles, CA at 7:40 pm, where I will start my new adventure!

I have been hired as an (unpaid) intern at Filter Music Magazine... you can find this magazine at Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Urban Outfitters. I would encourage you to pick up a copy and browse through it to see what kind of a company I will be working for! I am going to be in the marketing department and be practicing a lot of grassroots (guerilla) marketing tactics. This includes going to venues & putting up posters, leaving postcards/stickers on the bar counter, and striking up conversations with people... or visiting cafe's, boutiques, coffee shops, and other artsy locations around L.A. I will for sure be taken outside of my comfort zone... but I am looking forward to all that I will learn and experience! I am going to be working at the magazine Mondays through Thursdays, from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. I know, I know... that seems like hardly any hours! Well, apparently it is VERY hard to get more hours than that at an internship in the music industry in L.A..... at least in a marketing department! So, with my free time I am going to work on my photography, visit friends, read books, visit museums, explore the city, and maybe even get a part-time job somewhere to help with the cost of living out there!

I am starting a group on Facebook for anyone who might want to receive my FB updates I will be sending out.... the group is called "My adventures in L.A.!", and I invite you all to join it and read more about my time spent in California. :) Also, there is an open invitation for anyone who might want to come visit while I am there.

With that said, it's time I get back to packing and closing out some final details before I step onto the plane tomorrow. I'll leave you with the word that started it all:

Embark.

It's a Thursday

Literally the only reason I am sitting down to write this is 1.) I have the time and 2.) I feel somewhat guilty for having not written in 2 weeks.

You know those moments in life when you finally break after trying to pretend like everything is ok?

I've been pretending like things are ok now for a few months, in one particular area of my life. And it's funny how since this one area of my life suddenly collapsed, the other areas of my life seem to have gotten dragged down with it. I've started to really question what God is doing with me right now. I'm living at home, working 2 part-time jobs, haven't had many opportunities to do music outside of leading worship, and I feel very alone. They always say that you can be in a crowd of people and still feel utterly alone. Well, I would have to argue that it can be much worse to be surrounded by no people, and literally be alone.

Don't get me wrong... I am blessed in many ways. I have a job... 2, in fact. I'm saving money by living at home. I'm learning new things.

But whatever used to make me feel alive has left for a while. I've suddenly felt boring... unattractive... creatively stagnant... spiritually complacent... unhealthy... short-tempered... tired... sad... discontented... and stuck.

I cling to verses about hope during these times.... Romans 5:3-5 comes to mind - a verse I have hanging right above my bed. "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."

I know this will pass... but today, I have too much time to think about it.

I guess that's what happens when it's a Thursday.

Fantasy Football Champion!

Because I don't think people will believe me unless I post this:

FANTASY CHAMPION:

Megan, Congrats are in order for our new fantasy champion, Team Megan (Megan Sauder, for those thrown off by her team name). She succeeded in a little used strategy in fantasy football: do as little as possible and still demolish everyone. In all seriousness though, this points to her ability to draft well, and she did make some key switches in the middle of the season. For her efforts, she will be awarded a prize soon.

Congrats to Team CG for a great run as well, including defeating the very tough Team Micah in the playoffs. Fittingly, the only 2 teams to defeat Micah were the 2 teams that met in the championship game, Megan & CG.

Also, Team CG ended the season with the highest coaching rating, so Dave Affholter will receive an award as well. Both Megan's & Dave's awards will be listed once they have been attained.

Thanks to all owners for playing this year. This was the most exciting fantasy year to date, as all teams could have made the playoffs the last regular season game. That is unprecedented. Your support for our league is appreciated greatly and helps it to continue. We hope all of you will play with us again next year.

Have a great offseason and...

Go Colts!

Josh
Ben
Commissioners

Good for the Soul

The great thing about Christmas is that, despite the chaos the holiday brings, you get to spend time with friends and family that you may not get to see very often.

This year's Christmas has been different than the usual... we didn't have any celebrations on Christmas Day, and instead I spent most of my day working on planning the worship service for the upcoming Sunday. That evening we traveled out to Ohio for Christmas on the 26th with my mom's side of the family. It was good, and I got a few gifts I actually asked for (which almost never happens haha). I couldn't help but laugh when my grandma got literally every girl in the family the same sweater (aunts, cousins, grandchildren, etc.) and all of the guys in the family the same sweater..... I only wish we had been able to get a group picture of us ALL matching. :)

I was back at home Saturday evening and immediately went to the church to finish up planning the worship. Sunday morning came and worship went well, and the message Jonathan (our youth pastor) preached was really good. He talked about the geneology of Christ (Matthew 1:1-17) and how it included every kind of person... kings, sinners, ordinary people, and people we know nothing about... and it was a challenge to us to realize that no matter what our status in life, God wants to use us for the greater purpose of his plan. It reminded me that wherever I end up using my music (small town church or packed out stadium), God will use me. It also challenged me to make sure I am making myself available to God for Him to use me... which can be really hard to do!

Church was followed by an awesome time having lunch at Applebee's with the other young adults from church, then a "Christmas" party with my closest friends from high school where we got to catch up with each other and hear how God is working in all of our lives. After I left the party, I went to my grandma's house to celebrate Christmas on my dad's side.... however, it was cut short when I suddenly got a really bad migraine and had to go home and lie in the dark for 3 hours! It was so disappointing missing out on the entire evening with family, but I am finally starting to feel a little better after a night of sleep and taking it easy. I might even go to work this afternoon!

In case you are wondering, the scripture passages I shared with my friends that have been playing a big part in my life right now are:

1 Peter 4:10
Psalm 37:5-6
Ecclesiastes 3:11-14

Until next time...

Take Two

I'm somewhat disappointed... discouraged, even.

Only two people have responded to "A Study On Worship". Maybe I picked bad timing, with it being the holidays and all. I at least hope people read it and thought about it a little bit. However, I am glad that those two people responded. It gave me a place to start, and I enjoyed hearing what they had to say.

I strongly encourage you to think about responding to those questions I brought up about worship. You don't have to post them on here... feel free to send me an e-mail (MeganSauder@gmail.com) or to send me a message on Facebook, if that is your preferred method of communication.

Again, this may or may not turn into something more than just a study. For now, I am leaving it at that... A Study of Worship.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas. While you are spending time with friends and family, caught up in the merriment of the season, take time to step back and worship our King, who was born for the salvation of our sins. It's a beautiful story... one that I hope you will not forget this holiday season.

With love...

A Study on Worship.

Everytime I hear Phil Wickham's song "Divine Romance", something in me is stirred.

For You I sing, I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

I love the instruments... acoustic guitar, bass, accordion, and brushes on the drums. And Phil Wickham's voice... it's like there's an angel singing in the room. But it touches something beyond.

So today I was listening to that song, as I do almost every day... and a thought came to me. How do people view worship? Is it an act or a lifestyle? Can it be both? Must it be both?

worship

(noun)
1. The activity of worshipping
2. A feeling of profound love and admiration

(verb)

1. Love unquestioningly and uncritically
2. Show religious devotion to, as of a deity
3. Attend religious services

It got me to thinking... why don't I just ask people? Maybe I would learn something about worship if I took a closer look at how people worship... what people worship... where people worship.

So that's my vision... and I'm asking you. Yes, you... the one reading this. Tell me what worship is to you... do you do it or do you live it? How do you worship? What do you worship (be honest)? Where can you worship? Is there a feeling associated with worship, or is it a state of being? What have you learned about worship? What has Scripture taught you? What have loved ones taught you? Is it a discipline?

I'm not sure what I will do with the responses I get. My brother owns his own video editing business (http://www.pinnacleproductions.us/)... so I thought about turning my research into a video to show at church. Of course, I would ask Phil Wickham's permission to use his song as the music. After all, that is what inspired this whole thing.

I like to call it a study on worship.

The Last 100 (cont.)

I now have the results of today's "Last 100" experiment. Below I have listed the last 100 songs I listened to today. While listening to my music, I was reminded that half of my music is actually on my work computer, and while I can still access those folders, my media player on my laptop ignores them... so therefore I only had about 1/3 of my music to listen to today! But, I think the outcome does a good job of summing up my musical tastes.

Before you see the list, I should give credit to Brandon Adam Bible... who I've never met... but whose blog (http://brandonbible.blogspot.com/) inspired me to take on the task of completing this "Last 100" list. As mentioned in my earlier post today, I was seeking inspiration from other worship leaders who blog. Unfortunately I was distracted by this fun project.... but I will continue on my quest for inspiration. Take a look at who made the cut:

THE LAST 100

1. Iron and Wine – "Boy With A Coin"

2. Ian McIntosh – "Open Up The Heavens"

3. Hillsong United – "Devotion"

4. James Morrison – "The Only Night"

5. Joshua Radin – "Sky"

6. Mates of State – "My Only Offer"

7. Wilco – "You Never Know"

8. The Civil Wars – "Poison & Wine"

9. Planetshakers – "Cry Holy"

10. Sufjan Stevens – "Sister Winter"

11. Jason DeRulo – "Whatcha Say"

12. Coldplay – "Strawberry Swing"

13. Colbie Caillat – "Fallin' For You"

14. Norah Jones – "Waiting"

15. Phil Wickham – "Divine Romance"

16. Peter Bradley Adams – "For You"

17. Chris Tomlin – "Jesus Paid It All (Everything Glorious)"

18. Regina Spektor – "Eet"

19. Dave Barnes – "Greyhound"

20. Griffin House – "When The Time Is Right"

21. Iron and Wine – "House By The Sea"

22. Greg Laswell – "It's Been A Year"

23. The Gabe Dixon Band – "Further the Sky"

24. Jack's Mannequin – "Rescued"

25. Jack Johnson – "Middle Man"

26. Hillsong – "Mighty to Save"

27. Hot Hot Heat – "In Cairo"

28. Imogen Heap – "Bad Body Double"

29. Griffin House – "Lay Down In Your Fields"

30. Candy Claws – "Don't Turn Around"

31. Jars of Clay – "These Ordinary Days"

32. Matt Wertz – "Red Meet's Blue"

33. Shawn McDonald – "Beautiful"

34. Black Eyed Peas – "Imma Be"

35. After Edmund – "It's Alright"

36. Anathallo – "Hanasakajijii (Three: The Man Who Made Dead Trees Bloom)"

37. Ryan Myddleton – "On Your Own"

38. Moby – "Beautiful"

39. Amos Lee – "Black River"

40. Josh Garrels – "Mercy Triumph"

41. After Edmund – "Come and Rain Down"

42. Kyte – "Nothings Cruel"

43. Fiona Apple – "Window"

44. Eric Hutchinson – "You Don't Have To Believe Me"

45. Phillips, Craig, and Dean – "Hallelujuah (Your Love Is Amazing)"

46. Imogen Heap – "Swoon (Instrumental)"

47. Moulin Rouge – "Come What May"

48. Ellery – "Long Coat On"

49. My Morning Jacket – "Touch Me, I'm Going To Scream"

50. Patty Griffin – "One Big Love"

51. Erin McCarley – "It's Not That Easy"

52. John Legend – "Green Light"

53. Brandy – "Right Here (Departed)"

54. Eric Hutchinson – "Oh!"

55. Jars of Clay – "Revolution"

56. Jeremy Camp – "Beyond Measure"

57. Jazz Rolle – "Hiding Place"

58. TAB the Band – "Skip Your Class"

59. A.A. Bondy – "Witness Blues"

60. Ólafur Arnalds – "Raein"

61. Justin Currie – "What Is Love For?"

62. Shawn McDonald – "Lovely"

63. John Mayer – "Stop This Train"

64. AM Drive & Cliff Ritchey – "Don't Fear"

65. The Weepies – "Can't Go Back Now"

66. The Fray – "We Build Then We Break"

67. Kyte – "Boundaries"

68. Ratatat – "Five"

69. OneTwoThreeFour – "Leave Me Sleep"

70. Toby Lightman – "My Sweet Song"

71. Michael Bublé – "Sway"

72. Ben Folds Five – "Best Imitation of Myself"

73. Fall Out Boy – "Tell That Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today"

74. Anathallo – "All The First Pages"

75. Nickel Creek – "Can't Complain"

76. Lili Haydn – "Strawberry Street"

77. Mat Kearney – "Undeniable"

78. Neo-Classical Piano Music – "Gray Sky Tone Dance"

79. U2 – "Breathe"

80. Snow Patrol – "Open Your Eyes"

81. Scott Tyler – "Storyville"

82. OneRepublic – "Someone to Save You"

83. Andrew Bird – "The Happy Birthday Song"

84. Will Gray – "I Can't"

85. Sigur Rós – "Inní mér syngur vitleysingur"

86. Augustana – "Rest, Shame, Love"

87. Dave Barnes – "Jackson"

88. Joshua Radin – "I'd Rather Be With You"

89. John Legend – "Everybody Knows"

90. Will Gray – "Where You At"

91. Matt Wertz – "Everything's Right"

92. Sigur Rós – Milano

93. Rihanna – "Wait Your Turn"

94. Iron and Wine – "Innocent Bones"

95. The Gabe Dixon Band – "And The World Turned"

96. Ted Nash – "Cheryl's Theme"

97. Phil Wickham – "Heaven Song"

98. Sigur Rós – "Gódan daginn"

99. The New Pornographers – "The End of Medicine"

100. Jack's Mannequin – "The Resolution"