B.R.A.T.

No, I'm not annoyed with anyone.  B.R.A.T. is referring to the famous diet that you go on when you're sick.  Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast.  Unfortunately, I am supposed to be on a diet right now in which I cannot each bananas, rice, or applesauce... and only cardboard diet bread.  Why am I even talking about this?  Well, last night when I went to bed I was freezing cold.  It's the middle of June, and I slept in socks, long sweats, 2 shirts, a sweatshirt, and camped out under 2 thick blankets... and somehow I was still cold.  I don't even sleep with that much on in the winter!   Hmmm... something is up.  So anyways I woke up this morning, like I have the past few mornings, with a sore throat and stomach ache.  Except this time the stomach ache was much worse, and I just felt sick with absolutely no appetite, for fear of throwing up.  Knowing that my mom (a.k.a. boss woman) had little sympathy for my pain, I just toughed it out and went to work.  As I was sitting at my desk, my head started to hurt a little bit.  All of a sudden, I thought, "Wait. What if this is a migraine???"  Eager to make an early diagnosis, I immediately googled "Migraine symptoms" (as if I really needed to do this - I've suffered from migraines for 8 years now, so I should be able to tell if I have one or not).  Lately, within the past year or so, my migraines have been acting differently though... so I just thought I'd refresh my memory.  My head really didn't hurt THAT bad - not compared to my stomach.  I read a little bit but then felt guilty doing this at work, so I just went back to working on some photo editing.  All of a sudden, a wave of panic ran through my body as I suddenly lost all feeling and got extremely light-headed.  It didn't take much for my mom to quickly realize what was about to go down, by the horrified expression on my face.  Yes, I was about to pass out, at work, onto a hard cement floor.  Excellent.  She ran to me and forced me to put my head between my legs just as I was about to fall out of my chair, and after blacking out for a brief moment I instantly burst into tears - out of adrenaline, pain, and sheer annoyance.  Ah yes, Megan passes out yet again.  You see, the same head "injury" that caused me to now get migraines, is the same injury back in high school that caused me to start passing out more than the average person.... sometimes even accompanied by seizures.  Oh trust me, we've had tests done - plenty of them.  I've had tests done at 3 different hospitals, going through 4 different doctors.  Scans, stress tests, blood work, diabetes test, tilt test, EEG's... those were the things that defined my sophomore year in high school.  It's somewhat ironic that it was my best year in softball - I had been moved up to varsity, was the top hitter on the team, starting 2nd base player and back-up short stop player, and was name the All-Conference 2nd base player.  I could bench 150 lb., which is pretty good for a girl at the age of 16.  I'm not sure how I managed to pull that off... but one thing I do know is that my health issues have stayed with me, while my softball skills and weight-lifting stamina definitely have not.  There are days I wish it were the other day around.  Oh wait... I always wish it were the other way around. 

So here I am, laying on the couch in my living room, going between hot and cold (not a normal migraine symptom for me), feeling light-headed, and cheating on my diet by enjoying a nice slice of cardboard diet bread with peanut butter and bananas on top, accompanied by some chicken broth.   Ithink I might treat myself to a Diet Rite soda, about the only really flavorful thing I am allowed to drink on this diet.  It's not really that good, but desperate times call for desperate measures - a.k.a. - drink the soda.  I'm sick of water.

In other news, it is a beautiful day outside and I get to watch the trees sway in the sun while I lie here.  I've made a list of music suggestions for my friend Bree, and will be sharing a select few with her each week.  I might as well share them with you as well!  Here's this Thursday's music suggestions...

- Copeland album "You Are My Sunshine"
- Priscilla Ahn album "Priscilla Ahn (EP)" and "A Good Day"
- Franz Ferdinand album "Tonight"
- Loudon Wainwright III album "Strange Weirdos: ..." (title is too long)

Meg's Smoothie Recipe

Meg's Smoothie Recipe:
(Makes 1-2 Servings)

What you will need:
1 cup frozen fruit
      (preferably a berry blend - blueberries/strawberries/raspberries/blackberries)
1/2 cup fresh fruit
      (strawberries, bananas, and raspberries work well)
1/2 container (3-4 oz.) Frozen Light Yogurt
      (in any flavor - Strawberry Banana or Raspberry are my favs)
   - NOTE: Just buy normal light flavored yogurt and freeze it yourself -
               do NOT use "frozen yogurt" 
2 Tblsp. Lemon Juice
1/4 cup fruit juice 
      (I recommend cranberry or pomegranite)

1. Slightly thaw the frozen fruit, but make sure it is still partially frozen
2. Slightly thaw the frozen yogurt, if necessary, just enough so that you
     can crush it up while still in frozen form.
3. Put all ingredients into a blender
4. Blend until you have a nice, smooth consistency.
5. Pour into a cup and enjoy this healthy treat!

*On the Summit Weight Loss diet, this smoothie counts for only 1 1/2 fruits and 1/2 protein (or milk group)!

(above) My roommate, Sezen, and I at The Viper Room seeing Some Hear Explosions perform live!

I know I haven't been writing much lately. Honestly, I think it's because I've been writing updates to all of the people who get my "Adventures in L.A." Facebook messages... it's my way of letting people in on what's happening out in L.A. without having to write the same thing over and over again to tons of people. There's 158 members in that group that I send out my periodic updates to... I'm pretty surprised that there are 158 people in my life who really want to read about some girl's 3-month experience living in Los Angeles, doing an internship at Filter Magazine. I like to think of it as a compliment... that I'm decent at writing, have semi-interesting things going on in my life, and that people like me haha. For being a people-pleaser, it's a great boost in my confidence.

I am leaving Los Angeles in only 2-3 weeks (depending on when I book a flight or decide to roadtrip it back home). I'm very sad about leaving. I'm not in a "I'm going to cry" sort of emotional state with the whole thing.... it's more of a bittersweet, "I hope to return soon", type of feeling. I've started some great friendships here, but haven't really had long enough to fully cultivate them and experience the deep, meaningful side of them. They've remained fairly surface level, which in itself has still been a huge encouragement in a big, new city. The people I met at church are awesome... I love seeing them every week, I love that we get lunch together each week, and I love that we just have fun and laugh and hang out. I definetely wanted more.... wanted to see them not just on Sundays, but at a coffee shop, or a local show, or at a house-warming party. But, that just wasn't possible since I don't have a vehicle and don't live near any of them. Oh well. If I return to L.A. later this year, I hope to live in Pasadena which is much closer to all of those people and is also in a very beautiful location (surrounded by mountains and hills). Even if I don't return, and I never see them again, I am glad that God brought them into this season of my life and blessed me with their joy, company, and Christian fellowship.

There are a few people back home I can't wait to see. Just thinking about getting to see them makes me so happy and excited to go home! Specifically, I'm so looking forward to having a girl's night with Bree Tsuleff, visiting Valerie Prescott at TU, random doses of fun with Jonathan Goble, catching up with Amy Laur, playing volleyball with the Brookside crew, and of course my niece Nora (almost 16 months) and nephew Owen (2 years old). There are others too.... so if I didn't name you, don't freak out. Those are just people have lately been very influencial in my life and/or who I spent a lot of time with before coming out to California.

Although I'm sure I have more to say that's on my mind, I'm the urge to curl up, watch a movie, and enjoy the first day I haven't felt extremely sick in almost a week!

Aufwiedersehn!

Hope

Some lyrics I whipped up this morning. Excuse the lack of refinement.

Hope
© 2010 Megan Sauder

Let it be
The first tear upon your cheek
The last worry upon your brow
The first sigh of deep relief
When the fear is gone for now

Can you see
A ray of hope in the distance
A bright star’s entrancing light
A shimmer of greatest joy
When there’s no need for might

What became of
Peace when the road is rocky
Faith when there seems to be no end
Love to the broken hearted
When there’s hope to be giv’n

I know now that
This isn’t the only thing in life
The world is hurting all around
Will you join me in surrendering
Pick up the pieces from the ground
Yes I know this isn’t the only thing in life
There is hope to be found

Accordion Delight

Ever since I started playing the accordion back in the days living on Martha's Vineyard, I have gotten strange looks. For those of you who could die happy if you never heard the accordion again, this list is for you. For those of you who appreciate the uniqueness of the instrument and are looking for more songs to enjoy, this list is for you. For those of you looking to be swayed, this list is for you. I have scoured my own music library for 20 of the best songs I could find that use the accordion. I think I did a good job of appealing to a wide variety of genres and uses of the accordion.


TOP 20 Accordion Songs....
(from my library, not necessarily of all time)
....here goes:

1. Tom Waits – “Cold, Cold Ground”
2. Beirut – “Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)”
3. Patty Griffin – “Chief”
4. Sigur Ros – “Við Spilum Endalaust”
5. Billy Joel – “Piano Man”
6. Silversun Pickups – “Lazy Eye (Jimmy Tamborello Accordion Mix)
7. Anathallo – “Yuki! Yuki! Yuki!”
8. Sufjan Stevens – “Decatur, Or, Round of Applause for Your Stepmother!”
9. Wilco – “Why Would You Wanna Live”
10. Andrew Bird – “Armchairs”
11. The Decemberists – “Annan Water”
12. The New Pornographers – “Go Places”
13. Paper Route – “Be Healed”
14. Iron & Wine – “Flightless Bird, American Mouth”
15. Loudon Wainwright – “Passion Play”
16. Mumford & Sons – “Winter Winds”
17. Jars of Clay – “Goodbye, Goodnight”
18. Kate Rusby – “Awkward Annie”
19. Argyle Johansen – “Candlestick”
20. Augustana – “Sunday Best”

Happy listening!

Embark.

About a month ago I went to Target with my dear friend Valerie. First let me say that it is NEVER a good idea for me to go into Target without a reason. I didn't really need to go... it was just a spur of the moment, fun place to go while I was visiting Val. I realized I would like to have a new water bottle. Not sure why, really. I have 2 or 3. But, that's what I deemed necessary. So I was browsing the sports aisles with all the water bottles when I found a shiny silver bottle, tall and skinny, with only the word "embark" on the side in black lettering. I'm so glad I bought that water bottle. Whenever I look at it I can't help but feel challenged and inspired to do something new and exciting. Little did I know that opportunity was just around the corner...

Just over a week ago I received an e-mail from an internship program I had applied for back in August '09 and had decided not to do it. I had applied to do an internship in the music industry either in L.A. or London. I was leaning more towards London, because I love travel, love learning about cultures... and it would for sure be a life experience I would never forget. However, this e-mail I received was asking me if I would like to join their spring internship program in L.A which started only 4 days after I received the e-mail (which was on Wednesday, January 27th).... and they were offering me a $2,500 grant to help offset the cost of tuition (which covers my apartment rent & their services as an internship placement agency). They gave me 24 hours to make my decision.

Now, for those of you who don't know me very well... I don't like to make spur of the moment decisions that will cost me thousands of dollars and force me to move thousands of miles away from family & friends. My immediate reaction was panic. Looking back it's actually quite humorous how worked up I got about making such a big decision. Yes, it was big... but deciding to do this opportunity would mean pursuing my dreams of building a career around music! All of my friends thought it was obvious... just do it! I, on the other hand, was a bit more emotional and unsure of it.

24 hours later, after a lot of prayer, crying, and questioning... I decided to take a leap of faith and trust God to show me how He can use me out in L.A.

So that brings me to today.

I will be leaving on a 3:24 pm flight out of Fort Wayne, IN tomorrow afternoon (Sunday, February 7th) and will be arriving in Los Angeles, CA at 7:40 pm, where I will start my new adventure!

I have been hired as an (unpaid) intern at Filter Music Magazine... you can find this magazine at Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Urban Outfitters. I would encourage you to pick up a copy and browse through it to see what kind of a company I will be working for! I am going to be in the marketing department and be practicing a lot of grassroots (guerilla) marketing tactics. This includes going to venues & putting up posters, leaving postcards/stickers on the bar counter, and striking up conversations with people... or visiting cafe's, boutiques, coffee shops, and other artsy locations around L.A. I will for sure be taken outside of my comfort zone... but I am looking forward to all that I will learn and experience! I am going to be working at the magazine Mondays through Thursdays, from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. I know, I know... that seems like hardly any hours! Well, apparently it is VERY hard to get more hours than that at an internship in the music industry in L.A..... at least in a marketing department! So, with my free time I am going to work on my photography, visit friends, read books, visit museums, explore the city, and maybe even get a part-time job somewhere to help with the cost of living out there!

I am starting a group on Facebook for anyone who might want to receive my FB updates I will be sending out.... the group is called "My adventures in L.A.!", and I invite you all to join it and read more about my time spent in California. :) Also, there is an open invitation for anyone who might want to come visit while I am there.

With that said, it's time I get back to packing and closing out some final details before I step onto the plane tomorrow. I'll leave you with the word that started it all:

Embark.

It's a Thursday

Literally the only reason I am sitting down to write this is 1.) I have the time and 2.) I feel somewhat guilty for having not written in 2 weeks.

You know those moments in life when you finally break after trying to pretend like everything is ok?

I've been pretending like things are ok now for a few months, in one particular area of my life. And it's funny how since this one area of my life suddenly collapsed, the other areas of my life seem to have gotten dragged down with it. I've started to really question what God is doing with me right now. I'm living at home, working 2 part-time jobs, haven't had many opportunities to do music outside of leading worship, and I feel very alone. They always say that you can be in a crowd of people and still feel utterly alone. Well, I would have to argue that it can be much worse to be surrounded by no people, and literally be alone.

Don't get me wrong... I am blessed in many ways. I have a job... 2, in fact. I'm saving money by living at home. I'm learning new things.

But whatever used to make me feel alive has left for a while. I've suddenly felt boring... unattractive... creatively stagnant... spiritually complacent... unhealthy... short-tempered... tired... sad... discontented... and stuck.

I cling to verses about hope during these times.... Romans 5:3-5 comes to mind - a verse I have hanging right above my bed. "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."

I know this will pass... but today, I have too much time to think about it.

I guess that's what happens when it's a Thursday.